Articles · Five Things I Learned in Barcelona · Lesson 3 of 5
Losing my lola
Losing my grandmother is possibly one of the greatest losses in my life. She passed away in July, just a month after I graduated from my master's.
I could not go home as I was processing my visa. Logistically, it was not easy to go out of Europe. Economically, the flight prices were astronomical. It was summer, and everyone was booking flights.
On Sunday, she was brought to the hospital, and on Friday, she was gone. It was all so sudden for me.
My grandmother raised me, and I lived in her house since I was ten years old. She was my parent who guided me in everything, and not being able to go home for her was a different kind of grief.
From the outside looking in
As I created new experiences for myself here in Barcelona, people back home also went on with their lives.
It’s beautiful and painful at the same time.
My baby cousins are now attending elementary school. I used to take naps with them in the afternoons.
Life did not stop for anybody, and that’s a good thing. But sometimes, I just felt like an outsider looking in.
My brother is now almost old enough for university. I used to do K-pop dance covers with him when he was seven years old.
Another cousin is almost graduating from university. We used to fight a lot when we were playing outside with other kids.
Life did not stop for anybody, and that’s a good thing. But sometimes, I just felt like an outsider looking in.
Sometimes, it’s not okay
We live in a culture that is constantly pushing us toward positivity. But sometimes, we have to be honest with ourselves.
Missing out on my grandmother’s final moments was not okay.
It’s one of those things that sits with you. There is just no way to reframe it to make it feel okay.
But life – in its own cruel and funny way – keeps going forward. Seasons changed, even when parts of me felt like they were standing still.